Towards Those Steps 10:54 PM Share

As of at the moment, I'm preparing a four/five-part "saga", in unison to the days counting to my graduation this Saturday.

Nothing too depressing (as of my other posts have been), merely a re-collection of memories and experiences that have made me the person that I am today, of things that I have learnt and most definitely still learning from and what it means to take to the stage and receive that thin sheet of paper that will in a way, lay the path to my future.

This may seem trivial to you, but it means a whole lot more to me because it was my journey. It is my graduation. It will be my moment.

Whatever Makes You Happy 1:47 PM Share

I see a tumbleweed roll across the page of my blog.

There goes another one.

I haven't abandon my blog - like I said before, there haven't been anything worth to write about. Not anything that I won't be able to stop myself from pushing some buttons meant not to be pushed.

You see, people have gone sensitive a level or two higher. I'm a pretty sensitive soul, and I usually get paranoid about it. But I also am able to deem it trivial soon enough, too. It keeps me sane.

Plus, I don't need the added stress from having to argue with people about who's wrong and who's right; who's better at something and who's not; what's a negative critique and what's a constructive one. Most of all, I don't like ruining relationships with people just over silly little sillys.

I get it that we're susceptible to the negatives that get thrown daily into our faces to the point that it crushes us in such ways imaginable, especially when it stems from those who know us well. And I've been known to cast the first stone.

Our emotions heed us to believe that these people prey on our weaknesses because of some personal vendetta, that every opponent, every critic must have an agenda. An agenda that spells out jealousy, envy, amour propre - our emotions tell our mind to accept these as true of the people. It finally gives us reasons to justify our vindictiveness, much characterized by rancour, that soon tells ourselves that we (I am) are right, and they (you) are wrong.

Without a doubt, like you, I go through these stages, too. There have always been moments when I tell myself that I must be right about this, that my actions and decisions were called for, and that my reasons suffice at its basics. These are when I over-analysed everything, when I cared too much.

But when I accepted it as it is, when I didn't bother too much about it, I soon realized one fundamental thing about human, about being an individual. It is the one thing that we have too soon forgotten about in this day and age.

That everyone is capable of making sincerely held difference of opinions. Without any agenda, without any reason.

You might say that a blog at Wordpress is better, I might say that a blog at Blogspot is superb. You might say that a BMW is the top-notch, I would say a Volkswagon Touareg is a prime sterling. You might say that it is your own passion, I might think it's a borrowed inspiration.

My point is, don't be too quick to judge a person's character or assume that I've got an agenda just because of one un-informed comment. If you want to continue to believe that I must be overly envious of something, then go ahead. It's okay if you want to live in your own little world, because I sometimes do.

Whatever makes you happy.

I'll Keep You Safe in my Heart 3:21 PM Share

Day 4 (15th October 2009)

Dear Tiny,

Today, you went to be with God.

As hopeful as I was when I woke up this morning, I knew somehow that you will go. But it's okay, Tiny. I know you've tried.

Can I tell you how much I miss holding you so close to my heart, so close to my face that I can feel you breathe?

Can I tell you how much the others miss you, because somehow they know you're not there anymore? I found it hard to keep them calm and not cry all the time.

And can I tell you how much I love you and despite losing you today, I am still so proud of you?

Even though my heart is broken and I can feel you missing in it, I have to tell you that I am so proud of your brother & sister today.

And I know you are proud of them today, too.

p/s: Sleep well, my Tiny, for I'll keep you safe in my heart, always.

Dear God's Gifts... 12:13 AM Share

Day 1 (12th October 2009)


Dear God's Gifts,

Today, Mom brought you home and I was so excited when I looked at you three. Mom said if you were to be left out there, maybe you wouldn't survive. Nobody would have taken care of you.

But now that you are here, I will take care of you.

I will feed you, I will clean you, I will hold you close to my heart and I will love you every single day.

I'm sorry if the milk wasn't warm enough,
I'm sorry if I held you too tight.
But it's okay if you scratched me,
And it's okay if you pee-ed on my hand.

I hope you see how happy I am of you,
And I hope you see the smile I smiled,
Everytime I feed you,
And everytime I hold you in the palm of my hand.

They say not all of you will likely survive,
That even with the greatest of care,
And the greatest of love,
Can help you survive.

So I pray to God every night before I close my eyes,
And after I've tucked you in all warm & comfy,
That you will be strong and give me a chance to love you another day.

Darlings, I am so proud of you today.


Day 2 (13th October 2009)

Dear God's Gifts,

It is so nice to see that you've grown a bit and drinking a lot more milk today.

It is even nicer to see that you love to climb onto my palm and cuddle so calmly everytime I try to feed you. To look at your tiny face, so cute and cuddly, you know you make me very happy.

But I'm worried about one of you. You're so small than the rest and you're not drinking as much as the others.

Yesterday, you were okay. Today, you're looking a little bit weak. I really hope you'll get better soon. It breaks my heart to see you like that.

Tonight, I pray for you three, and hoped for another day to love you.

But darlings, I'm so proud of you today.


Day 3 (14th October 2009)

Dear God's Gift,

Today I woke up with a dread in my heart. My tiny little one, you have become so weak.

You still would climb onto my palm and cuddle so calmly. But why aren't you drinking. I have loved and cared for you as much as I have the others. So please don't break my heart today.

Tonight as I lay sleeping, I  prayed to God to give me a chance to hold you in my palm another day, to care for you another day, to love you another day.

But Tiny, I am so proud of you today.

Our Love will Pay the Bills 5:29 PM Share

Don't you worry there, my honey

We might not have any money

But we've got our love to pay the bills.

Maybe I think you're cute & funny

Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do

With you, if you know what I mean.

Well, you might be a bit confused

And you might be a little bruised

But baby how we spoon like no one else.

So I will help you read those books

If you will soothe my worried looks

And we will put the lonesome on the shelf.

Let's get rich and buy our parents home in the south of France

Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters

And teach them how to dance.

Let's get rich and build our house on a mountain

Making everybody look like ants

From way up there, you & I.

You & I...

My Opinions, Where It Matters 9:26 PM Share

This is an old one...but I had to post it here, anyways.

Rush of the Brunei Times was doing a piece on grassroot leadership and its role in modern Brunei and asked for opinions. So I offered some. Click on picture to read the article (dated 14th September 2009).

My opinions do matter, afterall!

p/s: Thanks, Rush!