Hold them grad caps and degrees! 11:19 AM Share

It's true. I'm the "almost" girl. While the rest of my course mates don on the graduation caps and get their degrees, I get to sit with proud moms and dads and watch them (the graduates) walk up the stage and graduate...
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Wait...who am I kidding? I'll expectedly vanish for that one day, curl up somewhere, crying and maybe contemplate faking insanity.

You wish.

No, I'll just delve into pity-ness for 5 minutes and then straight into real life, again. Sure it's frustrating to know that the ka-chings won't be rolling in anytime soon, but I think I'll manage nevertheless. I bid adieu to the fellow graduates and wish them good luck (I think you're going to need it), but still, no, you won't see me lingering about the Chancellor Hall or the uni premises on grad-day.

So in about a week's time, I'll be back on campus, still as a student amongst many fresh faces starting uni, too. Oh, boy, what a day I'm (not) looking forward to.

Getting left behind a year is just that - a delay in a phase of life. It's not failure in any kind of sense of the word. Besides, like I said - I am the "almost" girl. I almost failed, but I didn't.

Almost.

My Little One 12:23 AM Share

I have never cried so much for so long about something I don't even own or have yet.

It hurts to know that what I have, may very much hurt the love that I very much would like to bring up in the future with my love one. To hurt a little one like that, to see that the little one might have to go through what I have gone through, is all almost the same as not giving my little one a life that it deserves...no, I cannot let it be.

I am not ungrateful. I am not bitter about life, or hopes. I just don't want him/her to live a life constantly asking, "Why me?". I don't want to cry myself to sleep every other night, knowing that I caused him/her pain; I don't want to keep telling him/her to be strong because I never had the strength to tell myself that I was or am strong enough; I don't want to say to him/her maybe there's a reason why, because even after so long, there have been so many, yet none that answered the question, my question, "Why me?"

But yet, in a glimmer of hope and prayers, I will always tell myself, "Maybe, it will be okay..."

"I would give up my life so that you could have a better life..."